Greatest names 1 (boys)

Posted: March 6, 2011 in Lists
Tags: , , , , , , , , ,

So, as a great yeti mind, people always come to me with their problems or questions. The most common of such, apart from asking me to teach them the ways of yeti awesomeness, is, “What should I name my baby?”

Well, naming a baby is like a good magic trick, you load the deck and then pull something out of a hat and pretend it’s what you wanted all the time. But having every name in a hat would require a really big hat, or maybe writing so small that you can’t read it; neither is a practical option. So instead, every letter of the alphabet is given its greatest name, the name scientifically chosen to make your baby pure awesome, unless they mess it up.

So here we go, a name for every letter and a brief description why:

A- Arnold. Seriously, he’s the Governator. You couldn’t have worked that one out yourself? Name one useless Arnold… you can’t!

B- Bruce. A big call this early, but Bruce may be the best name ever! Just look at Lee, Dickenson, and Campbell. Three great Bruces. The best kung-fu heavy metal and B-grade movie star, summed up in a single name! Your kid would have to mess up pretty bad to end up a failure with a name like Bruce.

C- Chuck. You can’t argue with Norris. The awesome he holds makes up for all chucks who are failures.

D- David. I would love to have said Dolf because Dolf Lugdren is the only man who comes close to yeti levels of greatness, but his name held him back. How else could a 6 ft 7, black belt with a chemistry phd, who is a great actor, not be more famous! While Beckham is one of the most famous people ever…

E- Eugene, Edward… there are no good ‘E’ names for guys. Give up. Pick again. Or be left with a cowardly, sparkling child!

F- Fred. Be it Flintstone or Crugger he’s beloved by all.

G- Goku. You know you all want to be him anyway.

H- Harry, Dirty Harry. Clint Eastwood missed out on C because of Chuck Norris, but we can not, not give him ‘H’.

I- Indy, Indiana Jones. The worst archeologist ever but a great hero none the less

J- I’m sure you expect a Jon (or one of its many spellings) here, but no. It’s Jean, because you don’t mess with the Van Dame.

K- Krillan. Settle for a life of comic relief if you name your kid this, but still better than starting with an ‘E’.

L- Liam. You can’t go past the name of the man who’s Qui Jon and Aslan AND an action hero!

M- Michael. Lets see, arch angels, famous painters and ninja turtles.  How can you go wrong?

N- Nicholas. Apart from meaning, ‘victorious,’ you have Nick Cage and Saint Nick. You don’t argue with Santa.

O- Oscar. It means, ‘divine strength,’ how can you go wrong?

P- Pele, because he is king of the soccer pitch. To be king of your neighbourhood, name your son Pele.

Q- Don’t do it. Don’t name your kid with a ‘Q’ name. It will not end well.

R- Rocky the man who is manliness and played by Sylvester who is unlucky not to take out s which goes to…

S- Steven, Steve McQueen, Steve Harris, Steven Segal… The name is almost as good as Bruce… but more common, so dragged down a bit. Special mention goes to Sylvester for Stalone.

T-  Terry, need I say more.

U-  Ulrich, because he comes from Gelderland. If you don’t, maybe try another name.

V- Vinnie. Vinnie Jones is one tough man and I can see no weak Vinne’s.

W- William. William Shatner. Need I say more? Okay then, shortened to Bill, we have Billy the Kid, Billy Idol and William the Conqueror. The CONQUEROR. You can’t beat a title like that.

X- Xavier. Just like the guy who starts up the X-Men. Sure he’s a cripple, but come on, he runs the X-Men!

Y- Yoshi, Marios most trusted friend. You could pick worse, not sure how, but you could.

Z- Zorro ’cause who doesn’t like a man in a mask with a sword, except shop owners and the police.

So stay tuned for Part 2 girls names some time in the future.

  1. codebeard says:

    Yoshi? I’m sorry, but that’s an awful name. If you name your child Yoshi you are basically asking for him to be beaten to within an inch of his life on an hourly basis. He will grow up with an intense distrust of everybody, especially himself, and will never be a man to anybody.


  2. Kelly says:

    BRUCE WILLIS!! You forgot him in the list of awesome Bruces.


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