Disney pt2

Posted: April 11, 2011 in Disney
Tags: , , , , , , , , , ,

ok so I hopefully ruined 2 of your childhood memories but I can hear you saying “there’s like a 100 thousand Disney movies so two of them are a bit iffy so what”

well time to destroy some more childhood memories starting with….

Cinderella,

so she lives with her “evil” step mother and step sisters but there evil cause they make her clean but they must do something else right…. no despite being taken in by her step mom after her dads tragic death (by who know what the Disney  world is just full of orphans) but because she is made to do house work she is must be hard done by lesson 1 people who expect you to work are evil!

so she mopes around moping for awhile untill eventually out of no where her fairy godmother appears and lets her go to the ball lesson 2 don’t try to change your circumstances wait for some miracle to do it for you. oh and lesson 3 if you leave work to go to a party everything will turn out for the better. there is no chance you’ll end up fiered and living off the streets, no chance.

so she goes thanks to some magic but must be home by 12 or people will see her for who she really is… wait what oh right the only consequence for staying late is that her clothes and ride will disappear(despite the slipper being fine for ever?) but lesson 4 without fancy clothes and a nice ride no one will love you.

so she runs off after dancing all night with the prince but leaves behind her shoe (which doesn’t disintegrate some how) and the prince goes all across the country looking for th foot that fits it, now forget the whole how misshapen must her feet have been if only her foot will fit( i mean seriously did she have hooves or something) but ignoring that for a second again we have the one night and little to no talking but he must be the one lesson 5 love at first sight is the only true love, and lesson 6 if you like someone and one of you is rich or royalty get married as soon as you meet.

again though fairy’s and princes is the only way to leave the “slums” of a normal life

Which brings us to The Lion King..

so we have the “hero” a privileged prince who will one day be king that gets into trouble that makes his father get into a position to be killed and runs away to avoid the pride lesson 1 run away from your problems.

so he runs away and his Evil uncle takes control lesson 2 if someone is between you and what you want to kill them scar is king for a good few years before simba then comes back and kills him again taking what he wants by killing people.

but back to simba so he runs away and collapse from exhaustion where he is found by timone and pumba except they want to leave him there untill they realise he might be good protection lesson 3 only help people if you can get something out of it. seriously timone was happy to let him lie there and starve to death before realising he might be of use.

so they adopt him and teach him akuna matata no worries for the rest of your days also know as being a bum they sit there do nothing but eat sleep and play lesson 4 hard work is pointless you will have a great life despite doing nothing.

but he stays and grows up with the dole bluggers eating bugs till his half-sister comes and convinces him to come back and fight for them after they fall in love lesson 5 incest is ok if there only a half-sister!

so he comes back and saves the day by killing his uncle lesson 2 again but all the other lions never think to question scar and fight themselves and what exactly was it he did that was so bad about letting the hyenas into the pride land lesson 6 it’s ok to be racist! now you may question this one but in all their great circle of life rubbish they never explain why the hyenas are second class citizens forced to live in a grave yard and then how they somehow destroyed the pride lands just by being there. hmm sounds a bit racist to me a whole huge bit.

but regardless they did and the lions stood there doing nothing till simba got back lesson 7 only people of good breeding can save the day. you have grown up seeing the tyranny being brought on your people you have a noble heart and a huge sword and want to fight back opps you were born the son of a farmer sorry no fighting the evil for you.

so do you need more of your childhood ruined?

too bad I’m going to do it anyway at some stage till next time keep laughing or crying eithers good!

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Comments
  1. Leontes says:

    2 points in regards to cinderella which put only a slight hole in your attempt at massacre-ing these childhood icons. Lesson 1 – people who expect you to work are evil. This isn’t exactly right, the point there is actually that she was expected to do ALL the work while they did NOTHING. And Lesson 4 – without fancy clothes and a nice ride no one will love you. While I can see your point in actual fact this is what she thinks, the movie itself is there to prove otherwise. She didn’t need that in the end to find ‘love’.

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    • while it may have been a little harsh to make her do all the work they still took her in gave her a roof and a bed and food on the table she should be volentering, cleaning the floors should be part of her gratitude or at least not an unresonable request not enough to brand them as evil by any strech. how did she not need the fancy clothes and ride though sure the prince marrys her without them but i am also sure he will provide them once they are married they only meet because of them and it’s only a day or two that she doesn’t have them before they get married and she has them again.

      Like

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