World Domination

Posted: July 15, 2011 in Adventures
Tags: , , , , , , ,

As you may have noticed I may be slightly enamored to the idea of world domination and more specifically myself conquering the world now while it is more than likely to happen in the rare case that I may fail or even worse need some of your help in order to pull off this feat I shall give a vague outline of how I intend to do it.

First I need to set up or receive backing from a dictatorship this will be done by using various nefarious methods to gain money weapons and a repressed and angry south american minority rebel group, after making large amounts of counterfeit currency devaluing theres and making the people unemployed angry and ready for revolt, once I have conquered say Venezuela or chile the first step will be complete and ready to activate phase two.

phase two involves cutting communications this is thanks to the internet remarkably easy thanks to images like this

yes i know it's too small to read

That  although too small to read is a map of the underwater cables that link the internet all of which can and are regularly cut by anchors and the like and hurriedly repaired before the existing lines become overburdened but if you were to cut them all in a coordinated assault as well as sinking the repair vessels and taking out the satellites that tell them where to look you could take down communication between continents quite easily for a substantial time frame. this would allow the conquest of the rest of south america to go unnoticed by the foreign governments as they scramble to repair the lines and keep their own countries from a state of disorder.

step three involves using the brazilian super babies of the 90’s and harnessing their raw power and turning it towards nuclear fusion for a limitless power supply to bolster the economy and standard of living making south american republic of yeti the greatest country in the world, and then building hugely power intensive death rays in which to launch our assault.

then rather than making the same mistake of every alien movie ever and attacking the U.S. first i would mount my death rays on battleships and tanks all powered by fusion reactors and invade africa after setting up a giant spam network to once again take down the internet and provide a media blackout of my attack, once africa and the middle east had been conquered I would wait a year merely protecting my borders as i starved the rest of the world of precise resources that the third world had produced for them before I conjured them and made the third world the first world and part of the great yeti federation.

then all the power of the west and east’s might would be powerless without fuel and food they would either rush to attack me brining a knife to a gun fight so to speak or turn on each other either way making my job one of simply moping up and saving the decaying ruins of this current world and brining them into unknown prosperity through my new empire that I would rule benevolently (till I got bored)

that my friends is how you conquer the world, not great speeches or final solutions, no cultural revolutions or great ideologies, no! but with power, fusion power, yeti power

this is a glimpse into your future treat it well or ignore it the choice is yours but you have been forwarned

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