Conspiracy Theroy 7: Pandas and Death Rays

Posted: August 12, 2011 in Conspiracy theory's
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Pandas the bamboo eating china men that so many people find cute and cuddly, and death rays the awesome beams of destruction that make me feel warm and fuzzy, but where is the connection…


well what if i told you that pandas weren’t endangered because of loss of habitat or hunting or because they taste delicious but refuse to breed with each other, what if i told you it’s because the souls of pandas are the only thing that can power death rays.

pandas have a very rare very concentrated form of the cuteness gene estimated at 1000 times the strength of the puppy and kitten gene or as cute as 10000 babes going” goo goo” and it is this cuteness gene that is the sources of power for the death rays currently under production in china fourteen adult or 3 baby pandas are required to give 12 hours of death ray this might not sound like much but when you realise that china has been in space since the early 4th century and that they are in a constant battle with the men from Saturn saving our very way of life from a total Saturnian invasion you can see why numbers have dropped so much,

the reason that china keeps such tight control of where pandas can go is so that when giving them to zoos they can pick the infertile or asexual pandas to give a false impression of their slow and difficult mating procedures, pandas actually breed like rabbits if not more recklessly if they weren’t used as death ray fuel they would probably be the greatest single natural disaster plaguing mankind if not having already wiped us out.

so the next time you want to protect a panda or stop a death ray think about what your really doing and let the real panda eating death ray blasting environmentalists deal with it and get back to your hemp farm you world destroying fascist.


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