Archive for November, 2012

Disney pt3

Posted: November 8, 2012 in Disney
Tags: , , , , ,

Ok lets start this again, its time to make fun of an oldie and a newy first snow-white then wall:e but first this

http://www.cracked.com/video_18445_how-classic-disney-movies-made-entire-generation-suck.html

ok so snow-white the movie, tells us what.

hmm well lets see first off it tells us

If you have problems run away,

the evil queen is so crazy about being the most beautiful she pays a huntsman to go kill her step daughter. so what does she do she runs away and lives in the forest with 7 strange men she’s never meet before. safe choice.

If you don’t like your job don’t quit just lie about it,

the huntsman upon finding snow-white goes “nah I don’t want to kill you your pretty” so instead cuts out a pigs heart and offers it to the queen, this is just stupid she has a magic mirror that can tell her if snow-white is dead or not.

Always accept food from strangers,

despite being on the run hiding to save her life, snow-white still happily accepts an apple from a strange old lady that just happens to find the hidden hut in the woods she finds. how stupid can you be? why would she be there? why would you not hide better? just stupid.

And Finally

If you kiss a unconcious drugged chick it will all end well and you’ll live happily ever after.

really? and this isn’t the only time Disney use this sleeping beauty is just as bad, “true loves” kiss come from a stranger that kisses her while she sleeps because he hears she’s really beautiful. and yet this is a good thingĀ  not a creepy stalker thing apparently.

and now

Wall.e the most stupid stupid stupid thing since my idea to combine 12 gas canisters with fireworks.

Now watched this last night as part of my quest to watch the IMDb top 250 movies otherwise i wouldn’t have watched it so i realize unlike the others this was never aimed at me I’m to old to watch it and too young (probably not hmm lets say too smart) to be forced to by my kids. but still..

even with a cracked after hours masterpiece about how all Disney Pixar is just robots talking over the world before returning to be enslaved by robots in the back of my mind while watching this i still finished it feeling betrayed.

now ignoring the racism (not a single black person in the future) the question of how they survived when two of the characters react as if touching hands was the greatest experience of their short lives. quite simply where have the babies come from for the last 700 years ok so it was a slow drop to being sacks of human waste but not that slow the last half a dozen captains looked they never once exited those stupid chairs. and on that note bed sores,you’re telling me living in a single chair eating sleeping presumably bathing and going to the bathroom all in thoose chairs wont give you bed sores!

 

and what the hell was wall.e even doing building skyscrapers out of poor compacted trash. how does that help clean up earth. just so many stupid things all happening at once to drive me insane and leaving probably the first of the IMDB movies that I cant explain why it’s there others are boring or slow or poorly made but I get why they are popular or important but wall.e is just a stain on Pixar good name.

 

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