Our cat keiko is pregnant, this comes as quite a surprise, keiko is fifteen after all and we’ll in to feline senility, she has never had kittens before. This is Probably due to the fact that we had her fixed fifteen years ago. But anyway a birth is something to be celebrated A miraculous one even more so.
At first we thought she was just getting fat and took her to the vet fearing she may have a tumor or some other medical malady. The children were delighted especially the youngest Emily, she just kept bouncing up and down and screaming kitten over and over again. Once the cuteness wore off It was quite frustrating.
About a month and a half into keiko’s pregnancy Emily suddenly stopped being enthusiastic about the coming kittens.
At first I thought it was just her short attention span. You know how kids are. Emily even more than most. The doctors say it’s not adhd but what would they know. They don’t have to live with her. Anyway once keiko got to the point she looked like she was going to burst Emily avoided her. And when I asked if she was excited to meet the kittens she would reply, no the kittens are gone I don’t like the new things. A little weird sure but Kids are weird and stupid so it wasn’t that unusual.
The kittens are here I was alerted to this fact at three in the morning by Penny our eldest letting out a blood curdling scream after waking up to find keiko using the foot of her bed as a delivery room. It was quite a mess. There were five kittens in all and along with their mother they seem perfectly healthy. As they wandered around blind letting out the occasional squeak the older two girls were busy arguing about what to name them. Emily wanted no part of them and quickly went back to her room to sleep. I would have loved to do the same what with work in the morning but children lead to some sacrifices and they were kinda cute after all.
Eventually the girls settled on some names. The larger of the two black kittens was named legion thanks to Emily’s new found love of Roman history, the smaller black was called princess, despite being a boy. Josie was insistent. The Ginger was then named ginger in a disappointing display of creativity on Josie’s part but then she is only seven. The turtle grey with a slightly fluffy neck that made it look like a bad mane was named simba and then the white runt of the litter with eyes still stuck closed I called ray. A reference that the children were far too young to get but that I found hilarious.
Strange things started happening over the next few weeks. The radio burnt out, the TV would only pick up static and I must have changed every light bulb in the house at least twice. Emily refused to be in the same room alone with any of the kittens but seemed to have a particular fear of ray who unfortunately it turned out was actually blind. My wife suggested changing his name but I found this even funnier and decided to keep it the same.
The kittens are growing abnormally quickly, the largest Legion is at least half the size of her mother already after only a month. I’m told this is not normal, princess is also developing a strange sore on all four of his legs leaving them scabbed and hairless. Ray doesn’t seem to have grown at all but is so very fluffy with his hair constantly standing up like he has been electrocuted. It is very cute. Simba’s mane has gotten longer and is constantly matting together. Ginger seems pretty normal at least.
We took the kittens to the vet. Mostly to get princess’ legs checked. They had gotten so bad they almost looked like scales. But also to see if legion had a pituitary problem. In only three months it was now slightly larger than its mother. That couldn’t be normal.
The vet gave us some ointment for princess’ legs and told us legion was healthy and her size was nothing to worry about. He also looked at ray for an unusually long time before saying nothing and leaving the room for ten minutes. When he came back he acted like nothing happened. I think I need to find a different vet.
Ok so legion is about the size of a Labrador now. Ray still hasn’t grown. Princess has definitely developed scales on her legs and tail. Simba has started to grow large incisors and her mane has become so matted it’s practically dreadlocks. We tried to comb them out but he has become slightly feral. Ginger is still normal. She is the only one the kids play with anymore. all three girls are terrified of the others now, especially ray for some reason even though he still hasn’t grown.
I had to put Simba down today. Does it still count as putting down if I had to pry is jaws from my seven year old and then stomped on its head or is that just killing. I killed Simba today. Josie needed five stitches along her calf where Simba had locked on.
Ginger has gone missing. We haven’t seen her in a week I have a feeling legion ate her but I can’t be sure.
Ray has started walking around more. It is unsettling. His legs don’t seem to move. I know I must be imagining it he moves they must be moving that’s how walking works. But still.
Princess is almost completely scaled now. His head is the only part of him with fur anymore. The scales are thick and black and seem to be formed from dead skin. It is disgusting especially when she sheds.
Emily has refused to re-enter the house. We got home and she just kept screaming and refused to enter the house. After five hours of this my wife organised a sleepover at their grandma’s house for her and the girls. I wish I was going too.
I swear I just walked past the bedroom and saw ray floating four foot off the ground. When I looked back in he was sitting on the foot of the bed. But I swear I saw him floating.
I have to get out of here.
I can’t leave every time I try to open the door legion jumps against it pushing it shut. This wouldn’t be a problem with a normal cat but legion is almost the size of a great Bernard now he’s not easy to move.
Princess won’t stop hissing at me he’s just following me around the house hissing at me. I’ve had to barricade myself in the bathroom and he’s still just outside the door hissing and scratching.
I think I need to kill the kittens. It’s them or me.
I apologise for my previous overreaction to our new adorable kittens. I still can’t believe I burst out of the bathroom wielding a pair of nail scissors intent on killing them. It’s a good thing ray was there hovering in front of the door. A warm glow washed over me as I saw him and I realized how cute and harmless they all were. I’m going to go get the girls and bring them back home I’m sure they’ll understand they were overreacting now. After all who doesn’t love kittens.
theyetigeologist 